Sweeney Todd, The Barber

In Fleet Street that's in London Town,
When King Charlie wore the Crown
There lived a man of great renown,
It was Sweeney Todd, the Barber

One shave from him and you'd want no more &mdash
You 'd feel his razor sharp
Then tumble wallop through the floor
And wake up playing a harp

Sweeney Todd, the Barber
Ba Goom, he were better than a play,
Sweeney Todd, the Barber
'I'll polish him off!' he used to say.

His clients through the floor would slope,
But he had no fear of the hangman's rope
'Dead men can't talk with their mouths full of soap,'
Said Sweeney Todd, the Barber.

Now underneath the shop it's true
Where other bodies tumbled through
There lived a little widow who
Loved Sweeney Todd, the Barber.

She made her living by selling pies,
Her meat pies were a treat,
Chock full of meat and such a size
'Cos she was getting the meat from —

Mr Sweeney Todd, the Barber.
Ba Goom, he were better than a play
Sweeney Todd, the Barber
'I'll polish them off!' he used to say.

And many's the poor young orphan lad
'Ad the first square meal he'd ever had —
A hot meat pie, made out of his Dad
From Sweeney Todd, the Barber.

It was Saturday night in old Sweeney Todd's shop
And his customers sat in a row
While Sweeney behind a screen shaved some poor mug
And his sweetheart made pies down below.

Though none were aware, it were cut prices there;
They were rolling up in twos and threes,
And his foot was quite sore pressing knob on the floor,
And his voice went from saying 'Next, please.'

First a swell took the chair He said 'Ha, Ha, my man,
Just a shave and a perfumed shampoo
For I've just got engaged.' Sweeney just pressed the knob
and said 'There now, it's all fallen through.'

Then a bookmaker said, with his mouth full of sap,
'They're all backing favourites today
So I'll bet I'll go down.' Sweeney said 'So you will,'
And he did — he went down straight away.

But what rotten luck — the darned trap went and stuck
For the hinge he'd forgot ten to grease;
And a customer there started calling out 'Police,'
Just as Sweeney was saying 'Next please.'

Yes. he ran to the door and he shouted 'Police,'
He called 'Police' nine times or ten;
But no policeman arrived and a very good reason
The police weren't invented by then.

But up came the brave Bow Street runners - 'Hurray!'
And he had to let many a pie burn
While they dragged him to quad, And next day Sweeney Todd
Was condemned to be switched off at Tyburn.

And there on the gibbet he hangs in chains,
And they do say a little black crow
Made a sweet little nest In Old Sweeney Todd's whiskers
And sang as he swang to and fro —

Sweeney Todd, the Barber
Ba Goom, he were better than a play;
Sweeney Todd, the Barber
They buried him underneath the clay.

And old Nick calls him from his grave
Shouting, 'Wake up. Sweeney, I wants a shave!'
And Mrs Nick wants a permanent wave
From, Sweeney Todd, The Barber.