Colonel Fazackerley Butterworth-Toast
Bought an old castle complete with a ghost,
But someone or other forgot to declare
To Colonel Fazak that the spectre was there.
On the very first evening, while waiting to dine,
The Colonel was taking a fine sherry wine,
When the ghost, with a furious flash and a flare,
Shot out of the chimney and shivered, 'Beware!'
Colonel Fazackerley put down his glass
And said, 'My dear fellow, that's really first class!
I just can't conceive how you do it at all.
I imagine you're going to a Fancy Dress Ball?'
At this, the dread ghost made a withering cry.
Said the Colonel (his monocle firm in his eye),
'Now just how you do it, I wish I could think.
Do sit down and tell me, and please have a drink.'
The ghost in his phosphorous cloak gave a roar
And floated about between ceiling and floor.
He walked through a wall and returned through a pane
And backed up the chimney and came down again.
Said the Colonel, 'With laughter I'm feeling quite weak!'
(As trickles of merriment ran down his cheek).
'My house-warming party I hope you won't spurn.
You MUST say you'll come and you'll give us a turn!'
At this, the poor spectre - quite out of his wits -
Proceeded to shake himself almost to bits.
He rattled his chains and he clattered his bones
And he filled the whole castle with mumbles and moans.
But Colonel Fazackerley, just as before,
Was simply delighted and called out, 'Encore!'
At which the ghost vanished, his efforts in vain,
And never was seen at the castle again.
'Oh dear, what a pity!' said Colonel Fazak.
'I don't know his name, so I can't call him back.'
And then with a smile that was hard to define,
Colonel Fazackerley went in to dine.
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Comments
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Great
I love it brings a smile to a face -
above poem
From guest mike higgins (contact)
i remember reading this out aloud in class in around 1985, i was 9 or 10 years old at the time. i really enjoyed the poem and its great to see and read it again and teach it to my own kids! enjoy! -
poem
From guest arlene (contact)
this is class i have it for my poetry poem for school lol geg i only have it to said the colonel wif laughter im feeling quite week -
A memorable poem
From guest Gem Paul (contact)
Remember reading this one in my school textbook almost 10 years ago. Was captivated by the humour in it then. One the most memorable poems I ever read...great work Mr Causley -
Cleverly written tale ...
From guest waydownuponjoy (contact)
all in good form and an enjoyable and fun read. joy;) -
Causley on top of his form.
This battle of wits between ghost and ghost-buster is delightful. The Colonel, with admiral sang-froid, treating the ghost like an errant child frustrates it into self exorcism. A superb monologue for the reciters among us. -
Stiff Upper Lip and all that! This is a delightful, most wonderful story. I think even the monocle remained in place!
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This is another delightful find - love a good ghost story. Well done, Mr. Causley.
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