I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
And 'Arold got shot in the eye.
It were this way - one day in October
The Duke, who were always a toff
Having no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads a day off.
They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
When some chap in t' Conqueror's ear
Said 'Let's go and put breeze up the Saxons;'
Said Bill - 'By gum, that's an idea.'
Then turning around to his soldiers,
He lifted his big Norman voice,
Shouting - 'Hands up who's coming to England.'
That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.
They started away about tea-time -
The sea was so calm and so still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.
King 'Arold came up as they landed -
His face full of venom and 'ate -
He said 'lf you've come for Regatta
You've got here just six weeks too late.'
At this William rose, cool but 'aughty,
And said 'Give us none of your cheek;
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered,
I'll be wanting to use it next week.'
When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William answered - 'And you.'
'Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled,
They tossed for the top of the hill.
King 'Arold he won the advantage,
On the hill-top he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
The Normans had nowt in their favour,
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces an' all.
The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started banging each other
'Til the swineherds could hear them in Kent.
The Saxons had best line of forwards,
Well armed both with buckler and sword -
But the Normans had best combination,
And when half-time came neither had scored.
So the Duke called his cohorts together
And said - 'Let's pretend that we're beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level
We'll cut off their means of retreat.'
So they ran - and the Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him.
He were off-side, but what could they do?
The Normans turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.
And after the battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
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that is well good
From guest kassia (contact)
I've got to write an A.S bout battle of hastings and i've serched the iternet all over and found nothing i can't beleive how much that poem has helped me!! who eva wrote this is da best!!! :-) -
that was cool man thats...
From guest ashley (contact)
my homework is done im 11 yrs old i have done my homework for history now mr williams is going to be happy -
Battle of Hastings
Absolutely brilliant, haven't heard it for years and it brought back many happy memories of family parties from years gone by. Simply wonderful. Thank you so much. Sandineale -
This has to be one of Edgar's best offerings.
Poking fun at the stuffy school view of history and giving an almost believable comic version of the story every British schoolboy of his generation had learned in history lessons.
That it is delivered in the working class vernacular of the North rather than the King's English as it then was adds to the joy.
But this was written simply as a Music Hall monologue and it is hard to read without hearing the semi-serious tones of someone such as Stanley Holloway and seeing his facial contartions as he waits for the inevitable laufgs at the oft repeated On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
How a well educated, upper class gentleman managed to write these words that 3 generations later still appeal to the masses I don't know, but I am glad he did. -
Battle of Hastings
Very well written,both subjectwise and poeticwise
NuggehalliPankaja -
Absolutely brilliant, my evenings with Marriott Edgar are becoming somewhat addictive. Nice to find a smile at the end of the day. Superb , take care...mal
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Great piece indeed. Very visual. I don't read these types of writing too much but they can be very enjoyable at times, as I have found with yours.
~Aamanda~ -
groovy. i agree with everybody else. i'm being a momentary sheep.
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very nice. There is really nothing to critique lol. It's positively lovely. I especially like your use of the dialect.
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good
I enjoyed the scenery of the poem and the almost comic way the poem portraited the battle.
A good read.
John Macandrew -
Bravo Mr. Edgar - Even though I have Saxon forebears I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem.
Great fun - but I don't suppose 'Arold thought so.
Von
Edited on Jan 12, 4:52 because ''.
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