A mountain cherry
Through the drifting mists
Faintly
Seen thus there is a lady
I long for all the more.
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This is beautiful.
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Hi Riu,
These tanka (tanka is both plural and singular) were written in 31 onji as you suspect. It is indeed the translation which changes the meter. Unlike some Japanese poetic forms, the tanka, or waka as it was known when this was written. Would have almost always have been written in the standard rhythm, these poetic pieces were often sung as much as spoken, which is what prompted the strict rhythm,
That being said, the Japanese didn't disply tanka in five lines either. In its original text the poem would appear as two lines.
The earlier tanka often having the pause around the 12th onji, a fashion which later moved to after the 17th.
Andrew
Oldpoetry researcher -
I'm curious about what these tankas are like in the original language. Do they have the traditional 31 syllables and is that only lost here in translation or were even the early Japanese poets themselves more free about how to compose them. Something tells me not.
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Very beautiful tanka, almost leaves me with a sigh for the poet. This is a good strong piece and carries an atmosphere of longing and desire for the lady the poet wished was there instead of the mountain cherry. This tanka makes very good use of the aware technique because just the sight of a mountain cherry {an object} brought about an emotion in the poet just by seeing it. Each line carries an idea or image. The pivot line balances the tanka very well and blends the Kaminshu and Shimonoku also nicely.
Charishma -
beautiful and I could understand it better with Andrews explanation.
extremely complex form indeed
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Beautiful piece. I loved it. Although i must admit i didn't understand it till I read your comment explaining it.
Countrybabe
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wow.. thats crazy some guy that died years ago is on ap.. or op.. same diff to me.. anyways thats cool! this was an awesome write...
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Andrew! Thank you for your words. I'm thrilled because all I could think of when I read this was the beautiful cherry blossoms in Washington, DC on a foggy spring morning. How lovely!
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Beautiful imagery...
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Like this one much it comes nice to haikumonk's latest tanka. Both using blossems to interprete love but with the difference that the one uses imagination while the other (Don) plays with a lifly image. In both tanka's playfull behaviour of nature is used in a delicate way.
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Ah, I'm amazed I didn't recognize this, but thank you so much for clearing things up for me and analyzing the tanka in detail. You'll have to excuse me for not figuring out before that this was a tanka, because I do know the form.
And I'm quite new to this site, so I didn't know how the 'oldpoetry' thing worked. Sorry about the confusion. -
Great poem, like finding a diamond in the rough. Nice info on the style too. I like this piece. Please critic a poem.
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Hi Misspoetry, I'm afraid Ki no Tsurayuki is unable to reply himself as he died in 945AD (this is an oldpoetry.com piece) But I hope I can shed some light on this piece from what I understand of the form.
It is a tanka, and as such shows two verses, each relating to the same event / scene but with a different perspectivem, and should be viewed as such:-
A mountain cherry
Through the drifting mists
Faintly
This is the first verse (kaminshu)
Here is the real scene the poet is witnessing. As the mist starts to clear a faint image can be seen of the mountain cherry (a small, but often covered in white blossom, tree)
This is the outward perspective, what is real.
The second verse (shimonoku)
should be read as:-
Faintly
Seen thus there is a lady
I long for all the more
This is the inner perspective of the same scene, here the poet seeing something starting to emurge from the mist, instantly his heart looks for the image he longs for most (the lady) but the discovery that it is a tree only increases his longing for her.
You'll notice that L3 faintly appers in both, this is the pivot or bridge which superimposes the two perspectives into one. That is why it stands out slightly. This form of poetry (the tanka) has been a popular form in Japan for over 1300 years and is still going strong.
I hope this helps give a new insight.
Andrew
oldpoetry staff -
Nice one, says it all with class, It is a clever write and is romantic it is facinating how you get so much in in a few words, I would love to try this style, dont know if I could do it, great write
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This is great, though I'm not sure I understand it all completely. What I'm getting is that a mountain cherry, seen through mountain mists, appears to be a lady? I would love it if you could explain this work to me more. I'm sorry if I destroyed it a little with my interpretation.
I love the language you use, and the short lines which keep the mood serene. It's a different kind of passion; not hot or intense, but like the mountains; sacred and calm. I'm not sure I like or understand your placement of 'faintly' in the third line ; I don't know what it's there for.
Again, I'm quite sure I've misinterpreted this and would love any insight from you. -
i see settings of mountains,
and through the mists of where
his heart drifts unknowingly,
faint is the perception...
a soft heart lurks in his midst,
one his heart yearns for...but
this is just my thoughts....maybe
there is a different meaning to this
than that of mine!
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