The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup
Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up;
They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised;—
It wasn't Disinfected and it wasn't Sterilized.
They said it was a Microbe and a Hotbed of Disease;
They steamed it in a vapor of a thousand-odd degrees;
They froze it in a freezer that was cold as Banished Hope
And washed it in permanganate with carbolated soap.
In sulphurated hydrogen they steeped its wiggly ears;
They trimmed its frisky whiskers with a pair of hard-boiled shears;
They donned their rubber mittens and they took it by the hand
And elected it a member of the Fumigated Band.
There's not a Micrococcus in the garden where they play;
They bathe in pure iodoform a dozen times a day;
And each imbibes his rations from a Hygienic Cup—
The Bunny and the Baby and the Prophylactic Pup.
Notes
1] Prophylactic: disease-preventing.
8] permanganate: a salt of permanganic acid. carbolated soap: a salt of carbolic acid.
13] Micrococcus: spherical bacterium, usually found on the skin of mammals.
14] iodoform: compound of iodine used as an antiseptic.
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Samuel and the Camuel
From guest Lee Vrana (contact)
I'm looking for this poem. It begins, "Across the sands of Syria...there came the prophet Samuel, upon the only camuel..." -
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An excellent Guiterman poem which can now be found here http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/show/91061-Arthur-Guiterman-The-Legend-Of-The-First-Cam-u-el--An-Arabian-Apologue .
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This is a super little poem that seems way ahead of its time. Its message is reminiscent of Huxley's Brave New World and it's style is reminiscent of the Punch Poets at their best.
Of the modern poets I have come across only Les Barker seems capable of this sort of inspired, lucid lunacy.
Thanks for posting it.
Jim S -
This was the easiest poem I have ever memorized in my life. After hearing it read aloud twice in fourth grade, then reading it for myself the day after, I had it memorized word for word. It's six years later and I've been able to recite it at a lightning pace in one breath.
I wish they had more of Guiterman's poems here. I can't find any of his other poems elsewhere, and I'm immensely curious. -
nifty site love strictly germ-proof love the ease of using your site
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Thiis poem is a treasure from my childhood--in the thirties, in New York State. It was in schoolbooks, as I rebuild my memory, to teach us that poems could be funny. This one is a spoof on too much hygiene, probably on one of the "issues" of the time. Imagine a baby and a toy drenched in antiseptic! In the thirties, yet! Thefunniest one, which should be revived for our current crush on the Middle East, is "TheLegend of the First Camuel." It starts like this: "Acrossthe sands of Syria, Or possibly Algeria, Or some benighed neighborhood of barrenness and drouwth, There came the Prophet Samuel, Upon the Only Camuel, A bumpy, grumpy quadruped of discontented mouth." 2nd verse: The atmosphere was glutinous. The Camuel was mutinous. He dumped the pack from off his back. Woith horrid grunts and squeals, He made the desert hideous. With strategy perfidious, He tied his neck in curclicues, he stamped his paddy heels. Verse 3: The Prophet beamed beguilingly. Aha! he answered smilingly! You feel the need for company, I clearly understand!! I'll speedily create for you, The correspponding mate for you! Ho, presto, changeo, dinglebat!! He waved a potent hand. 4th Verse. And, lo! from out vacuity, A second incongruity, To wit, a lady Camuel, was born by magic art." --- Thonly bit of the rest I recall is the line "She was, in short, a Camuel, The other's counterpart." My younger brother and I tought this was veryfunny thruout our teen years and for decades later. And I recall most of it--amazing.
d love to read lots more of Guiterman, the hilarious satirist, doesanyone know any of his other poems, and the rest of this one. What a lot of NERVE. telling readers to be polite in their comments. The man's a wit like Gilbert and Sullivan or rather like Gilbert, and a sharp observer of the follies and fun of his time. CWAnderson, June 1, 2005
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