O perfect citizen (if you exist),
Who never make the errors that you might,
Neither complacent nor a pessimist,
Not apathetic either—but just right;
Who do not squander yet decline to hoard;
Whom Charity need never pester twice;
Whose modest savings, all the same, have soared;
Whose respirator is not full of mice;
Whose torch is not too bright or held too high;
Who do not drop tram tickets in the street;
And if you saw Montgomery pass by
Would think it not a matter to repeat;
Who would not buy a turkey if you could;
And pay your Income Tax with quiet joy;
And think the Government is rather good—
Sir, we salute you. Keep it up, old boy.
February 6, 1944
Notes
This poem first appeared in the Sunday Graphic, a British newspaper.
This version is taken from Light The Lights by A. P. Herbert, published 1945 by Methuen & Co.
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Comments
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I certainly hope this was satire, I assume it is, after reading one of his other poems posted here. The turkey reference is lost on me, maybe there was a rationing during the war...or it's a pun on the connotation of the word?
The poem remains valid today, spanning wars and an ocean.
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This is another tongue in the cheek piece for which APH was justly famous, especially in his poems for Punch.
The poem is peppered with references to wartime regulations.
The respirator or gas mask case (and content) being kept in good condition.
The torchlight being dimmed or cloaked and kept pointing down in the blackout.
The anti littering, not dropping tram tickets
The keeping of secrets about the whereabouts of soldiers. Montgomery refers to Field Marshal Sir Bernard Law Montgomery.
Not buying black market poultry when meat was rationed
and happily paying the taxes that helped pay for the war that caused all that suffering.
After 5 years of war the civilian population were getting lax and this was APH's way of pointing it out. [IMHO]
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