Our Aunt Hanna's passed away,
We 'ad her funeral today,
And it was a posh affair,
Had to have two p'licemen there!
The 'earse was luv'ly, all plate glass,
And wot a corfin!... oak and brass!
We'd fah-sands weepin', flahers galore,
But Jim, our cousin... what d'yer fink 'e wore?
Why, brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral
In brahn boots!
I will admit 'e 'ad a nice black tie,
Black fingernails and a nice black eye;
But yer can't see people orf when they die,
In brahn boots!
And Aunt 'ad been so very good to 'im,
Done all that any muvver could for 'im,
And Jim, her son, to show his clars...
Rolls up to make it all a farce,
In brahn boots...
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits.
I'll own he didn't seem so gay,
In fact he cried most part the way,
But straight, he reg'lar spoilt our day,
Wiv 'is brahn boots.
In the graveyard we left Jim,
None of us said much to him,
Yus, we all gave 'im the bird,
Then by accident we 'eard ...
'E'd given 'is black boots to Jim Small,
A bloke wot 'ad no boots at all,
So p'raps Aunt Hanna doesn't mind;
She did like people who was good and kind.
But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral,
In brahn boots!
And we could 'ear the neighbours all remark
"What, 'im chief mourner? Wot a blooming lark!
Why 'e looks more like a Bookmaker's clerk...
In brahn boots!"
That's why we 'ad to be so rude to 'im,
That's why we never said "Ow do!" to 'im,
We didn't know... he didn't say,
He'd give 'is other boots away.
But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits!
But some day up at Heavens gate,
Poor Jim, all nerves, will stand and wait,
'Til an angel whispers... "Come in, Mate!
Where's yer brahn boots?"
Notes
Always pronounced Braaahn (drawn out) and not Brown
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Comments
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I remember this one well
Stanley Holloway used do this as a monologue in the Music Halls in England. He was a master of the vernacular, you might remember him as Eliza Dolittle's father in "My Fair Lady" He did most of Weston and Lees Music Hall monologues. -
From guest Ronnica (contact)
Someone has erased my comment (actually, it was in review as are all guest comments). I wanted to say that My father used to play this old song on the Piano (joanna) and sing it, I can see it clearly. As for slang WE Us Geordies, used to call it slang Or vulgarity (of the language) I spent half a lifetime trying to rid myself of it , but it still jumps out now and again. but it was well used all over Engl to varying degrees and as England had so many dialects they often called each other--foreigners.
Just thought I would add my pennoth (penny-worth)
No one can take it from me. -
I'm not sure what I think of slang like this...
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Kevin it isn't slang it's Vernacular poetry. It hails from Englands Northern regions. Take a look at our featured column written by Jim:
http://oldpoetry.com/column/show/45
it may help you to understand this and other monologues we have posted.
Von
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