we had goldfish and they circled around and around
in the bowl on the table near the heavy drapes
covering the picture window and
my mother, always smiling, wanting us all
to be happy, told me, "be happy Henry!"
and she was right: it's better to be happy if you
can
but my father continued to beat her and me several times a week while
raging inside his 6-foot-two frame because he couldn't
understand what was attacking him from within.
my mother, poor fish,
wanting to be happy, beaten two or three times a
week, telling me to be happy: "Henry, smile!
why don't you ever smile?"
and then she would smile, to show me how, and it was the
saddest smile I ever saw
one day the goldfish died, all five of them,
they floated on the water, on their sides, their
eyes still open,
and when my father got home he threw them to the cat
there on the kitchen floor and we watched as my mother
smiled
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Comments
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This is an extremely powerful piece of work! So accurately displays the images inside this type of home. The mother trying to keep everything from falling apart...smiling because maybe it is better than the alternative...and also to keep her children from seeing the pain...the pretense that "all is really fine." But the children know better...they always know better...and cannot put up the false fronts of an adult who does not have any other solutions...and unfortunately, these children often live in such isolation...dealing with their pain alone...because everyone else puts on their "happy face" and expects them to do the same...and never mention the dead fish in the goldfish bowl...
UB
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Another classic Bukowski. A day in a life. Sad piece that gives a clear picture of living life in an abusive home. Last lines gave me a chuckle and then a chill.
one day the goldfish died, all five of them,
they floated on the water, on their sides, their
eyes still open,
and when my father got home he threw them to the cat
there on the kitchen floor and we watched as my mother
smiled.
Jenna
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