Sick on my journey,
only my dreams will wander
these desolate moors
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From guest Peteskid (contact)
a descriptive capture of the end of life, when the body fails and our thoughts are the parts of us that seem to persist... evocative, resonant ideas here...PK -
5-7-5
On a journey, ill:
my dream goes wandering
over withered fields.
It sounds good but I am not sure,is it 5-7-5. I think it's 5-6-5. -
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For reader Ahkam and others
The traditional rules for a Haiku are indeed 5-7-5 but as in all cases of syllabyl counting we must remember that different people pronounce the same word in different ways and so what is 5-7-5 for one may indeed be 5-6-5 for someone else.
However the count goes at least Basho does have the traditional nature and seasonal references in his work unlike many modern haiku writers.
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From guest Zarathoestra (contact)
Somewhere on the internet I found another version/translation of the same poem: On a journey, ill: my dream goes wandering over withered fields. I'm not a student of Japanese literature or poetry and I don't speak or read Japanese so I cannot judge which translation is better (if there is such a thing as the 'perfect' or 'right' translation) but I do think this version is smoother and more poetic in that it suggests more and is less staccato than the one you provided. I especially like the word ‘ill’ which can, of course be construed two ways: his being physically unwell (presumably the cause of his death) or unlucky/under a bad omen implying an ill-fated journey, or broader life itself. All life has to cease and thus death can be seen as the inevitable goal or outcome of life, rather sad come to think of it but as Basho shows us there is also great beauty, even in death. Of course the reference to dreams and life’s likening to it is rather commonplace in Japanese death-poetry but the way Basho combines it with imagery taken from nature is especially beautiful. In the end we all perish but for me at least it’s a comfort that at death we simply rejoin the great cirkel of life and that we are as much a part of nature as everything else. Now my review is already longer than the entire poem, another tribute to Basho’s brevity (not a word too much) and great mastery of language. Overall a beautiful poem, both insightful and delicate in equal measure. Just my two cents. Zara -
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Death?
if this is Basho's death poem then who is the poet.if Basho than was that the title of the poem suggested by Basho himself? -
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I see this as a poet (Basho) thinking ahead in old age and contemplating his own mortality. Moreover he does so with a verbal efficiency some poets could do well to imitate.
Jim -
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Thanks
Sir, Thank you very much for your note, Basho's Death Poem is a wonderful piece. -
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This piece was written by Basho, in Japan when it is beleived the poet is nearing death, they would write a poem (usually in tanka) to mark their life, here Basho reflects upon his older years where only his dreams have the abillity to wander as he wishes he still could. Using the comparison technique he delivers to the reader his feeling of emptiness.
Andrew
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