There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
One evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark, Putting green oil in starboard side lamp,
I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings, As happened in days long gone by,
You've `eard `ow young Albert Ramsbottom At the zoo up at Blackpool one year
The day after Christmas, young Albert Were what's called, confined to his bed,
I saw Time flowing like a hundred yachts
That fly behind the daylight, foxed with air;
I have a dead friend who lately Has begun to visit me:
One day, little Albert Ramsbottom To see 'ow much money 'e'd got
It was Christmas Day in the trenches
In Spain in Penninsular War,
On young Albert Ramsbottom's birthday His parents asked what he'd like most;
I'll tell of the Magna Charter As were signed at the Barons' command
There's a one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu,
There's a little marble cross below the town;
Henry the first, surnamed " Beauclare," Lost his only son William at sea,
Henry the Seventh of England Wasn't out of the Royal top drawer,
I'll tell you a seafaring story, Of a lad who won honour and fame
I'll tell of Canute, King of England, A native of Denmark was he,
Mr. Ramsbottom went to the races, A thing as he'd ne'er done before,
'Twere getting dusk, one winter's night, When up the clough there came in sight,
It little profits that an idle king, By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Albert were what you'd call “thwarted”. He had long had an ambition, which…
There's a little sallow idle man lives north of Waterloo,
And he owns the toughest music hall in town.
I'll tell you the tale of an old country pub As fancied itself up to date,
On the banks of the Mersey, o'er on Cheshire side, Lies Runcorn that's best known to fame
I'll tell you an old-fashioned story That Grandfather used to relate,
I'll tell you the story of Balbus, You know, him as builded a wall;
On Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms Invited relations to tea,
When Sam Small retired from the Army He'd a pension of ninepence a day,
When Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road He made each one hold fast with his trunk
Joe Dunn were a bobby for football He gave all his time to that sport,
Seven hundred years odd, next August
Skegness got a bit of a shock
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